I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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