my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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