NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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