I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
