loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
