Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
