I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
