At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
