I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And then my night got REAL pukey
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
