Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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