it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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