oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
