A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
