so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
