Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you would pick up someone in the library
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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