i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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