the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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