Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
