That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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