Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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