i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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