Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
