90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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