so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
