I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
