We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
