When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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