he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
