Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
