So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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