The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
