my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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