Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Randomize
