So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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