just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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