It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
