You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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