wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
