Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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