so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
