I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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