Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
