i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
