is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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