he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Randomize
