Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
