ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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