apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
