Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
