he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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