He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Vodka?
Forever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
