I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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