I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
