My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
