You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
