i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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