So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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