i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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