JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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