So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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