i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize