At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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