No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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