how can u be prego again
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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