Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
