I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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