All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
