I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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