sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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