I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I need a burrito and a hug.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
