why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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