so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm like, not good at living.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
