it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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