the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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