I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
