Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
